With the chilly winter wind, I stood on the balcony and looked into the distance. Skyscrapers towered all around, and I wondered where I could find a piece of sky that could accommodate me. I took a sip of coffee, bitter yet flavorful, just like my experiences this year. So, I decided to write this piece and leave it behind.
"Even if we are fortunate enough to be far from pain, we will be close to boredom. If we are far from boredom, we will be close to pain." - Arthur Schopenhauer
Work
After realizing my own mediocrity, I slowly began to accept my current situation. Although I am not entirely satisfied with the time and content of my current job, it provides me with ample free time and a decent income to get by. I am also actively looking for other job opportunities, but personal issues often trouble me - I don't react quickly to interview questions and I get nervous and anxious for no reason when faced with major events. Although these issues can be alleviated to some extent through a certain number of interviews, repeated failures have made me doubt myself - am I really suitable for programming?
With the pandemic, remote work has become an indispensable part of life, but combining strict attendance with remote work seems somewhat pathological. While working from home, I have experienced being penalized for not clocking in and out at noon. The lack of trust from the boss, the lack of a sense of control, and the misunderstanding of the non-linear output of programmers are all reasons why I urgently want to leave this company. In addition, there are some ridiculous work schedules, such as giving the UI team 21 days to complete a project, but only giving the programmers 20 days, and both teams start working at the same time.
Learning
Fortunately, my current job does not require overtime. As long as I complete the tasks within the scheduled time, I have more time to "recharge" myself. Since I don't have a leader or mentor to guide my learning direction, I asked GeekPlux on Twitter for advice on front-end and visualization learning paths (thanks to him for patiently answering my questions).
This year, I haven't read many technical books, but they are all in areas that interest me. First, because I bought a VPS, I read "Docker Deep Dive" and played around with Docker environments, running a few small projects on the VPS.
"Effective TypeScript" is a book for those who have just learned TypeScript and want to write TypeScript well (it seems that this is the case for most books in the "Effective" series). "Data Visualization" mainly covers what data visualization is, how to do data visualization, the effects and uses of data visualization. It is very suitable for readers who want to thoroughly understand data visualization. I read part of it when I was writing my thesis, and now I am "completing" the whole book.
My learning method is basically to "build something" first, and then search for and expand on the knowledge points from there. For example, I was interested in Three.js before, so I started by following online tutorials to create some demos using Three.js, and then delved into the WebGL behind Three.js. I went through "WebGL Programming Guide" to understand WebGL, and then started to delve into OpenGL, which is currently the field I am studying. Since I haven't written modern C++, I read "C++ Primer" to catch up. This book is also suitable for readers who have some C++ programming experience and want to understand C++ from a more engineering perspective.
This is how Three.js -> WebGL -> OpenGL -> C++ -> computer graphics forms a learning path that suits me.
Life
If I had to summarize my life this year in one word, it would be "breakthrough". I am someone who tends to stay in my comfort zone and feels a bit lost when faced with major changes. But this year, the failure of the postgraduate entrance examination and the job in a strange city have undoubtedly challenged my "inertia" time and time again. I am grateful to Chris, Steve, and ysh for their answers and help when I was in a panic.
The day before I left for the new city to work, I had the opportunity to meet my friend Xiaolong, whom I hadn't seen for 8 years. We talked about recent events and dreams by the Pearl River. We sighed about our youthful vigor and carefree days in college, and also showed some confusion about the future. We were once young people with dreams, but now we have lowered our heads to reality.
Pessimism may be a negative attitude, but I use it to see the dark side of life and make the worst possible plans. In the context of the COVID-19 pandemic, endless testing and scanning may not seriously affect daily life, but they have added many "must-dos" to everyday life. Worries about expired passes to enter office buildings or residential areas, and the self-mockery of my own "shelf life" being worse than the toast I eat every day. Although we have seen a widespread "awakening" in December, the cost is evident. Who can be sure that it will not "fall asleep" again? Maybe things will get better in a new city, maybe not.
In front of the "shadow" that envelops me, I see a path, a path that I never imagined. I have started to break out of my comfort zone, trying to learn English and taking the IELTS exam. At first, I didn't understand the types of questions and the duration of the exam, so I searched aimlessly online. I would like to thank Chris for his online courses and question clarifications. Later, I read about WildCat's experience of taking the IELTS exam while working and also sought advice on various details and methods. After arranging my schedule, everything is progressing in an orderly manner.
Entertainment
I am a relatively quiet person. Instead of socializing and dining with others, I prefer to spend my free time on activities that can improve myself, such as reading, cycling, and watching movies.
In terms of non-technical books, I don't have a specific focus area. Most of my choices come from recommendations on Twitter. "Make Time" introduces methods of "squeezing time" to achieve the completion of most important tasks and overall improvement. "Blade" tells the story of a protagonist's self-discovery, which I deeply admire. The book does not have fancy words, but it has a powerful impact. Reading "Nonviolent Communication" made me understand that the rupture of an intimate relationship often stems from one party neglecting the needs of the other party, and both parties not clearly expressing their own needs.
Combining today's context with "Work, Consumerism, and the New Poor" may seem "familiar," but it mainly enlightens us on why this "environment" exists. "The Nine-Grid Writing Method" is a book about how to write long articles without losing information. I recommend it to friends who are just starting to write blog posts.
"The Jobs" and "Iwata-san" are biographies of two gentlemen I respect the most. One of them takes product development to the extreme, pursuing excellence in every detail; the other incorporates ingenuity into products, bringing surprises to users every time.
In terms of TV series, the best one I watched this year is "Better Call Saul." The protagonist, Jimmy, is not a genius like Walter White in Breaking Bad, but his love for clever tricks, exceptional social skills, and ordinary background create a connection between this character and the audience. It is worth mentioning that the cinematography of this series is stunning, and the visual language is almost indistinguishable from movies. The bright colors make each frame look like wallpaper. I recommend watching "The Beauty Of Better Call Saul" on YouTube to learn more.
After watching "Cyberpunk: Edgerunners," I felt dazed for a week, not because David and Lucy didn't have a happy ending, but because of the cyberpunk background, a background destined for tragedy, a background that is despairing.
"Severance" is a series that made me think deeply after watching it. Its background of "Work Life Balance Completely" and the way it connects the clues in the final episode left me satisfied.
"In the past, I thought there was a kind of bird that would fly from the beginning and only land on the day of its death. But in fact, it never went anywhere. That bird was already dead from the beginning." - "Days of Being Wild"
Due to the sudden decrease in free time after starting work, I have become more selective in my choice of movies. "Days of Being Wild" stands out because of the different perspectives of the two main characters, Yuddy and Tide, on life. Yuddy's recklessness and cynicism, in my opinion, even border on nihilism. In contrast, Tide's down-to-earth and methodical approach makes Yuddy's character appear more "illusory" and "glamorous," especially in the profound conversation between Yuddy and Tide at the end of Yuddy's life.
"After Hours" didn't give me a sense of relief after watching it. On the contrary, I saw many shadows of myself in the protagonist. Working alone in a big city, with only a commute between the office and home, no social life, and limited interaction with people, except for the occasional greetings with colleagues and some conversations on instant messaging apps. The low salary makes the future seem bleak. I want to break free from this situation, see hope in despair, but in the end, it leads back to despair.
Finally, I looked back at the New Year's resolutions I left at the beginning of the year, and I probably only completed about half of them. Some were not completed due to time constraints, while others were due to uncontrollable circumstances. So, this year, I don't plan to set resolutions. I will explore and move towards general goals. Always exploring!
"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." - John Keating
Thank you for reading this with my poor writing skills. I hope everyone can become a better version of themselves next year. See you next year.